Created, summer 1998 - updated March 1999. Sponsored by Philly Talk Radio Online

 Traffic & Weather
with
John "Cyclone" Brown

Brought to you by

Bambi-Bits

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The finest in Road Kill

"We serve only the freshest meats"

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Bio:

It's a little known fact that John Brown was indeed the one of the most popular students at Bensalem High School.  In fact there still is a plaque in his honor at the school.  It hangs, bolted and almost forgotten, outside the girls locker room.  It states - "And Stay OUT." (see below)

His film career began at an early age with a minor role as himself in the movie Woodstock. He can be seen as the guy running naked into the mud pit.  In a premonition of what was to come later it should be noted that his VW was one of the cars left on the highway in the famous aerial photo of abandoned cars.  

John started a new career in TV with his guest appearance on the Comedy Channel's South Park. He starred as a psychotic weatherman who locked himself in the studio until it snowed. Fortunately the village of South Park gets more snow than here. It snowed the very next day but never stopped.  He was hanged.

 

After trying to stay sober and free on bail in several jurisdictions from LA to Chicago he tried his hand at the "Morman Thing" in Salt Lake City.  He was shocked to learn that you actually had to marry all those wives to enjoy to 'benefits".  "That sucks." was his reaction.

We are indeed lucky to have John back in the area, the local deer population is not so lucky. After surviving a collision with a buck he became enraged when it got up and calmly walked away after relieving itself all over his new Beamer.  He backed his car up at speeds approaching 50 mph, the wrong way down a one way street, chasing the deer.  His wife now does most of the driving.  The new medication is working.

Another little know fact is that John does "hand modeling" (really) just like George did in Seinfeld.  He reached the pinnacle of his career in this field when, after the Lewinsky scandal broke, he was invited to the White House for a "job".

 

 

John's pet name for
Mrs. Brown
"My beer fetching wench"

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John's quotes (usually referring to loose women or consuming adult beverages) - "I'm there" & "I'm game"

One of John's finer road machines.

Bumper Stickers seen on some of John's Vehicles

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Born free...Taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Rehab is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..

No radio - Already stolen.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
 

Various material from the "Friends of John Brown Club" & the "Take away John Brown's License" committee in cooperation with numerous local law enforcement agencies.

Related Websites

Philly Talk Radio Online

John Brown's Real Website

Main Page

Traffic Light Gif "borrowed" from John's real website
Bambi gif and car facing deer courtesy RadioSpoof Productions