This parody was posted in the summer of 1998 and updated in the winter of 1999.

Susan Bray

Susan livens up the weekdays on AM 860 from sunrise to 11am.  Why that time?  Well ... nobody else here is crazy (or sober) enough to get up that early.

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Susan Bray

Aussie Spice

Nickname: The "Saucy Aussie" or "The Saab Lady".  Currently under probation while driving the current sponsors' Saab due to the fact she wrecked the first one while living up to a variant of the first nickname.  It seems that Susan was cooking and selling an Australian Salsa and using the Saab to make deliveries to local farmers markets.  After cooking up a particularly tangy batch the jars exploded inside the car on Rt. 76.  Susan was unhurt but the car was a total loss. Now you know the real reason Susan was called the "Saucy" Aussie.

Hobbies: Has a great fondness for Chihuahuas and dachshunds.  "I can still run faster then they do."  Has a petting zoo in her backyard consisting of several kangaroos, wombats and koalas.  Famous for killing the most pond Koi in one year.  Anthony  Hopkins groupie.  Known to drink Australian Cabernet/Shiraz to excess.

Books: Who can forget her top seller from "Radio Book Sellers" in the mid 80's - "Why water goes down the drain counterclockwise in Australia."  Currently finishing up a book with the working title - "You too can sell a ton of coal to Newcastle or Selling anything over the radio."  In this book she will recount how she made millions for her employer but it was still the threat of bringing that nasty sexual harassment case to court that kept her job secure.

Brush with the famous:  While studying in South Viet Nam she covered a story of a visiting actress named Jane Fonda.  While going over the itinerary with the budding star she was amazed at the next stop.  Concerned, she blurted out Hanoi?...Jane? and that moniker stuck like glue for the rest of the trip.  Ms. Fonda would later recount.  "I'll see to it that witch never works in Australia again!"  Her last job in Australia was as a secretary to a failing news mogul named Rupert Murdoch.  With creditors hounding his every step Susan had a suggestion.  "Rupert why don't we go to the States, at least we can collect Social Security someday."  It was Susan that suggested that Rupert start up a news operation in the States.  "Those Yanks will believe anything."  When Rupert asked Susan what she would do, "Radio" replied Susan.  "That way that bitch Fonda won't ever find me."

Political Affiliation:  Erstwhile liberal became more conservative as her radio career grew.  Switched from Democrat to Libertarian as protection from Atilla the Marr.  Having enraged those two parties with her own unique views has now moved to the Republican party in an obvious attempt to irritate those "rabid right wing ratbags".

Future plans:  To continue to give the gray haired ladies coronaries by discussing sex so early in the morning.  Has a "Preferred Customer Card"  for Dr. Sal Calabro's Cosmetic Surgery practice.  "The knife giveth back what gravity taketh away."

Financial:  Heavy investor in human cloning.  (Wants at least three more husbands to finish all the chores)  Also holds patents to two new Pfizer drugs coming out next year.  The first one "Directra" is given to the husband before starting an extended car trip, if (when) he gets lost he will actually ask for Directions!  The second is "Projectra".  As a result of taking that drug a husband will actually finish a household project before starting another!

Family: Susan is married to Ed, a wonderful and patient man by necessity!  She also has two children Jason and Chavaleh.  Chavaleh is rumored to be the love child of Paul Hogan and Susan while she was going through a particularly slutty time in high school.  This would explain why there is only 14 years difference in the Susan's stated age and her daughter.  (At least Susan claims she is that young)

 

Recreation: An lifetime member of "Club Aussie" a nudist colony on the eastern shore. Lucky for us some of her friends save some of the photos from one of her trips! (see main page for more details) It was during one of these visits that she met Paul Hogan, Crocodile Dundee.

 

Susan's producer, John "John Boy" Stolnis (also known as "butthead" when Susan is in one of her famous "moods") is legend as one of the most abused producers in radio today. He must awake far earlier that Susan to prepare to her show and then be ready outside when Susan drives up so as to valet park her car. A music aficionado you can hear him comment on one of his favorite formats here.

 

You may also remember Susan and Tom Marr co-hosted the afternoon drive at DB.  Susan has always maintained it was her that carried the show and would wake up Tom at the end of news breaks.  "His serious sleep disorder was a constant problem.", lamented Susan.  When Radio Spoof Productions contacted Mr. Marr for a comment we recorded this
Click to hear Tom's response
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