Philly Talk Radio Online - The Gossip Parody, part
Originally posted January 2000
this page is a JOKE.
Rant & Rave Page
Wall that Talks... ...Back - Tell us all about how radio sucks, the stations
suck, the hosts suck and how YOU have ALL the answers!
- You hate them all but we list them anyway
is nothing on the Net more interesting than this site so we will delete all the
If they only listened to US then the ratings would be better right?
Philadelphia / Delaware Valley
Talk Radio Website Parody
ago this month, I completely lost my mind. Today, after two years of
nothing BUT Talk Radio I am proud to say I STILL have not found it! Quite
the reverse, I have slipped so far into dementia that I am considering having a
walkman permanently attached to my head so I won't miss a second of talk
radio. Oh, It's a spiffy unit. Satellite dish, solar power,
multichannel and InterNet hookup.
In this week's issue
Radio Roundup, which is the best, how they work ... the
"On" button explained. - Special Report
Why round tuning knobs are best and how to use them.
Special pullout section! - Part 3
tubes, the hot new models! - by Art Chaic
Radio Preset buttons, Love 'em,
hate 'em ... they are here to stay - by Frieda Change
Changing stations. 12
step program on how to overcome your fears - Inna Rutt
up at the crack of noon, how to jump start your day - by Rollye James
We rate the
infomercials, all the products and why YOU should be buying them NOW - by Gully
- the danger STILL lurks - By Art Bell
Y3K - It's not too early to
panic - by Gary North
Interview with Mayor Street, we Ax all the tough
questions - by Dom Giordano
Forget Y2K, are you ready for Dom-a-geddon?
Dom Giordano returns to the air! Stock up on the milk and bread NOW! - by
radio speakers, why bigger is better ... who needs back seats anyway - by
Representative Lawless sues entire PA
state assembly, and wins!
to see why Bill Clinton NEEDS a Dr. Corea Penis pump NOW - by Paula Corbin
Farnack gives up coffee, stuffs coworker into a dumpster as a result of mood
swing - full text of police report.
Kent Voss gets brain cells removed in controversial
new medical procedure. Kent says, "Now I can think more like the
station management. American soccer now makes sense too!"
Just listen and shut up - Imus in the
My life is perfect, I am perfect, you are
either a slut or a pig - Dr. Yentabitch
"Only two things are infinite, the
universe and stupidity - and I'm sure latter listens to talk radio." - Albert
"Never argue with an idiot - folks might
not be able to tell the difference." - Anonymous
"I sometimes think that God, in creating
man, somewhat over estimated His ability." - Oscar Wilde
WWDB runs "Open Auditions" - picks winner.
"This ought to work well with our new studio cams and
Internet streaming." says Dennis Begley. "We auditioned dozens
of top people in the market and she brings the most talent to the microphone, so
Rod Carson will "handling" all her training.
WWDB acquired by Disney Radio
WWDB's "New" tentative schedule
9-12 Gil Gross & Mufasa
12-3 Irv Homer & Grumpy
3-5 Jay Sorensen and
Hilarie Barsky will broadcast live from Disney World studios. Special
guest Michael Eisner, everyday.
5-7 Kent Voss teams up with Goofy
7-9Dr. Corea is replaced with Tinkerbell & Dr. Doolittle
9-1 Susan Bray with Tarzan
1-5 - Steve Martarano / Donald Duck.
Ed Begley is replaced by "The Coyote" as General
Dr. Laura and Rush... a done
Rumors of Dr. Laura and Rush having
an affair have been proven true! The scandalous affair blossomed during a
recent Talkers conference in New York. The Bitch and the Bull both plan to
divorce their respective spouses and announce a wedding to coincide with the
republican convention in Philadelphia. Sources close to Premier reveal the
coming this summer the newlyweds plan to combine both shows into a 6 hour shift
with both taking turns in 1 hour blocks. Most affiliates using the new
compression software "Cashbox" will be able to condense the show into,
at most, 4 hours.
Perilous Komputer Karma
? Rich Levin eaten by computer?
Rich Levin, host of computer talk on WPTH 1210 was found dead at
his desk today. At first nothing seemed to be disturbed but upon closer
examination several broken AOL "free account" cd's were found nearby
and neighbors recalled seeing a van speed away from the scene bearing the license
USA GI JOE publishes new stripper handbook.
Section 1.A: Nude Dancers are hereby given notice that no patron in the club may place any part of their body on any folds of your epidermis. For you Blondes, that stands for skin.
Section 1.B: Nude Dancers are hereby given notice that no currency may be put into any folds of you body, whether it be Bills or Small Change. Nude Dancers are not Toll Booths therefore their baskets are not to be used for collection.
Section 1.C: As a Nude Dancer, if you are confronted with a Patron who refuses to follow the new regulations and attempts to place his hand, face, head, foot, or any part of his body on any part of your body you are hereby ordered to place a call to our Nude Dancing Regulation Hot Line. The number is 1-900-NO-TOUCH. Each call is $3.95 per minute and the Nude Dancer Caller must be 18 or older.
Section 2.A: All Nude Dance Clubs are hereby ordered to remove all of the Signs from the exterior of their buildings. A new sign must be erected and be no larger than "Snoop Doggie Dogs Ride", for you Homies outside the Hood, thatís a vehicle that about 18 Ĺ Feet Long by 4 Ĺ Feet High.. The new sign is to be in standard block letters. It is to read JENNY CRAIGG, with 2 gís. (to keep me and you from getting sued)
Section 2.B: Payment to Nude Dancers. Now donít think that you are going to get anything close to what the Queen of Tramps, Monica Blowclinsky, gets. The Queen of Tramps receives $10,000.00 per each pound lost. If you dance you little butt off, a State Funded Study from Templee, with 2 eís (to keep me and you from getting sued), that cost the tax payers $297,563.29, indicates that the average Nude Dancer loses .375 pounds per Hour. To break that down even further White Nude Dances lose .295 pounds per Hour verses Black Nude Dancers .425 pounds per Hour. Templee, with 2 eís, Studies also show Black Nude Dancers have more Bootie to shake than the rest of the test group. Spanish, Oriental, Philippino, Eskimo, Russian, Pit Bulls, and Transvestites on the average fall in between the two Groups. The State Approved Pay rate will be $7.50 Per Pound. After 5 years, the Tramp Rate will move up on the Tramp Rate Pay Scale with a $1.25 Pay Raise and .25 Cents per year after that. If the Dancer gains weight, she may owe the owner of the club money.
Section 3.A: Liquor is not be sold in Nude Dancer Clubs. If liquor is to be brought into a club it is to be purchased from a State Run Liquor Store. It will have to be kept in Special Sate Issued Nude Dancer Plain Brown Bags. These Special bags are made to State specifications to fit over a Dancers Head if need be. On special occasions the patron can use Two Special Issue Brown Paper Bags. This is if the Dancerís Face could stop a Mack Truck on the Turnpike and if she if she has the IQ of a Blonde. EXAMPLE: Dom G. would classify Summer as a Two Bagger.
Section 4.A: Violations: If any Dancer violates any of the Rules and Regulations in the Nude Dancers Handbook they will be forced to Call into a radio Talk Show, tell the Host about all of their problems in their Life, explain where they went wrong, tell the Host their measurements (OK, I added that one), wear an "I Support STREET Walking" T-Shirt (thatís a new plan in the city to Patrol the Neighborhood at Night. Street Corners are a nice place to make new friends and meet visitors from outside the City. Welcome the visitors with open arms and show them the finer points of the City. Show them how much fun you can have with a Hot Pretzel. A City License in the amount of $250.00, payable in CASH, will be needed for all Street Walkers.)and the violator will pledge to work on a City Tow Truck, on weekends, taking abandoned vehicles off the roads in the city. This will be called operation "TAILHOOK". Violators will have to keep a log book of their Mileage and their Oil Changes.
hosted by www.phillytalkradioonline.com